two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
