I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
