You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
