Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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