I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
