I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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