Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
