If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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