Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
