you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
