Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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