Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
