the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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