Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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