I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
