Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
