Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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