i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
