Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
