She is in my trunk
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
