Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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