Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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