i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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