Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
