fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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