Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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