I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
