"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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