capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
