I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
