He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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