I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
