WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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