Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You've changed since you got that strap on
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
