Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
