I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
