I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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