I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
