Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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