Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
