I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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