I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
