i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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