You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
