if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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