I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
