I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
