took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
