I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
