his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
