need another drink. this is the easiest way
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
