If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
