There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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