Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
